Time is like thunder (ah-ah!), and its rumbles announce the approach of this year's Eurovision Song Contest. So take out your glittering jumpsuits, Thunderdome! Gel your hair to high heaven, and hope again that the wind machine and a dubstep drop will bring you to victory. Eurovision Week III is here!

Choose a video from the 2016 roster, linked above. Write a story that relates to that video and/or song in a way the judges can detect without a magnifying glass. You need to announce your choice when you sign up, because only one person can claim a performance. At this point you may be wondering whether the judges will pick a song for you if you ask, and of course the answer is yes, but there are caveats: you are likely to get something insane or inane, and you will have 200 fewer words with which to work if you go this route. But what fun would Eurovision be if no one did anything crazy?

No fanfiction, no nonfiction, no erotica, no poetry, no GoogleDocs, and no bribing the judges. Azerbaijan, this means you.