This week's motto: There are no gains without pains. Imagine this phrase sung by Russian grandmothers in front of a spinning oven and you'll have an idea of what's in store for you.

Behold Eurovision: Europe's answer to Thunderdome, except with even more pop music, pyrotechnics, weirdness, and inappropriately attached LEDs. Your task is to choose one Eurovision entry video from this year's line-up--unless you're systran, in which case you're instantaneously FLASH RULED to work with England's masterpiece. Your story must somehow relate to the song and/or video. Setting, theme, tone, characters, whatever; you must incorporate something, and the closer you get, the less of your liver the judges will tear out and devour.

ADDENDUM: Because we love crack-inspired LED fantasies as much as anyone, you have the option of choosing Eurovision videos from years past. However, since we'd like to encourage the use of this year's crazy, you must find and provide a link to anything pre-2013, and you will receive a flash rule.

In addition, you must choose an aphorism from Benjamin Franklin. Work that in too. Announce which aphorism and which video you want in your sign-up post; you may change your choices at any point before the submission deadline. Aphorisms and videos are not exclusive: if every last one of you wants to write about the Greek submission, feel free, as long as you explain why that guy keeps touching his moustache. I must know.

Note that you don't need to literally quote the aphorism. Let it serve as a theme, a guide to a plot, a character trait, or something else more subtle than a brick to the face.

Go forth and get your dance on, contestants. :eurovision:

Countries Competing:

Voliun (Malta; Tomorrow, every fault is to be amended; but that tomorrow never comes): "Paradoxical Gambit"
magnificent7 (Romania; Anger is never without a reason but seldom with a good one): "The Choreographer"
SurreptitiousMuffin (Finland 2006; Join, or die. Flash rules: Must incorporate Biblical verses and Lordi's hat): "Chainsaw Buffet"
Radioactive Bears (Ukraine; The way to be safe is never to be secure.)
perpetulance (San Marino; Men take more pains to mask than mend): "Graceful Exit"
JonasSalk (Switzerland; Wish not so much to live long as to live well): "Do the young die?"
Auraboks (Switzerland; Half a truth is often a great lie. Flash rule: Must involve non-Euclidean geometry): Shame unto the seventh generation.
Down With People (France 2008; If you will not hear and obey reason she will surely rap your knuckles. Flash rule: Shaving a beard must be a turning point of the plot.)
crabrock (Georgia; If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing): A kidney stone.
Fumblemouse (Belgium; If you would have a faithful servant and one that you like — serve yourself): "His Feminine Side"
systran (England; ‘Tis easier to suppress the first desire than to satisfy all that follow it): "Cephus' Blessing"
CancerCakes (Montenegro; Great beauty, great strength, and great riches are really and truly of no great use; a right heart exceeds all): "BitchFight"
NikaerDrekin (Latvia; Man’s tongue is soft, and bone doth lack; yet a stroke therewith may break a man’s back): "Passionate"
Bad Seafood (Greece; The wolf sheds his coat once a year, his disposition never): "Old Habits"
Jeza (Ireland; Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.)