Write an espionage tale where the youngest character is a septuagenarian. Must include a love interest.

We don't give a shit if it's in the style of Bond, Bourne or fucking biblical, but young people are terrible. Fuck 'em.

One character under seventy this week, and we'll bolt your worthless ass to the bottom of a truck and go off-road.

Special Rule for Special Dipshits

This time around, we won't hold your hand and lead you to water, but if you can give us proof you've sent the story to any publisher on Duotrope, there'll be extra points.

Get to it.